*EDIT*
PHEW!!!! how intense is this post... ok so here it goes!! so i'm totally over the person i like cause i'll never see them again, i mean it still hurts, but i'll survive and after a day of self pity and crying and listening to music and trying to make myself better by singing and what not, it all worked!! Plus... i have excellent friends who are sooooo supportive and who love me and i want to thank all of you that commented! you guys made my day and i love all of you!! i talked to my friend that i thought i lost my relationship with and all is well! so i feel a little better but i have felt better in life, but it's ok, i'll live!!
*END EDIT*
ok... so i know i don't update very frequently, but i really need to vent!!!!!!!
SO HERES THE DEAL!!! WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I EVEN THINK THAT I LIKE SOMEONE!?! I MEAN IT SEEMS LIKE ANYONE THAT I LIKE I TRY TO HANG AROUND THEM AND THEN THE FUCKING BITCH ASS DESIDES THAT THEY WANT TO FUCKING FLIRT AND BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!
THAT IS WHY I AM SINGLE ALLLL OF THE TIME CAUSE NOTHING FUCKING WORKS OUT FOR ME!!!! I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE I CARE OR ANYTHING BUT EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE I DO LIKE SOMEONE AND IT'S REALLY ANNOYING BECAUSE I ALWAYS GET MY FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS STOMPED ON BY FUCKING BASTARDS!!!
SO I HAVE NOW DECIDED THAT I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY ANYMORE CAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE I'M ON THIS WORLD TO BE HAPPY OR ANYTHING!!!
IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY GOOD PEOPLE GET TO BE HAPPY IN LIFE.... I MEAN EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE SOMEONE WILL FIND SOMEONE THAT THEY LIKE AND THEN THAT PERSON LIKES THEM BACK!!!!! THOSE PEOPLE ARE SOOOOOOOOO LUCKY!!!!! WHENEVER I GET IN A RELATIONSHIP, IT SEEMS LIKE I'M ONLY IN IT FOR OTHER PEOPLE AND NOT MYSELF!!!!!!!!!! I'M SOOOOOOO TIRED OF TRYING IN LIFE.... SO I'M GIVING UP!!!!!!!! GO AHEAD AND FLIRT WITH OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!!!!! I REFUSE TO GO BACK TO THE FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA.... I RUINED HIGH SCHOOLA LWAYS BEING RAPPED UP IN SOME FUCKING DRAMA AND I REFUSE TO LET COLLEGE BE LIKE THAT!!!!!!! I JUST REALLY HATE THAT THIS HAPPENED AND WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS FINALLY HAPPY, THIS SHIT HAPPENS... SO I'M THROUGH WITH EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... SOMETIMES I CAN'T HELP BUT TO HATE MYSELF YA KNOW!?!
IT SEEMS LIKE THE PEOPLE THAT I LIKE, I'M NOT FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM, BUT THEN THE ONES THAT LIKE ME ARE JUST PEOPLE THAT I CAN'T BE WITH!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE JUST TO BE WITH THEM!!!!!!! I WOULD LOVE TO BE HAPPY IN LIFE... AND SO FAR I'M REALLY NOT!!!!!!!!! YEAH I KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE I'M ALWAYS HAPPY AND LAUGHING, BUT YOU CAN ONLY PUT ON A HAPPY FACE FOR SOOOOO LONG... AND I THINK I'M AT MY BREAKING POINT!!!!!!!!!! I'M TIRED OF BEING JUDGED, I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE USING ME... I'M TIRED OF PEOPLE AND THIER BITCH ASS COMMENTS... I'M TIRED OF PUTTING MY HEART ON THE LINE ONLY FOR IT TO BE VOMITTED ON AND THEN RIPPED... GRAPHIC I KNOW BUT THATS HOW I FEEL!!!!!!!!! THEN YOU THINK YOU CAN TALK TO SOMEONE ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS AND THEY TURN ON YOU LLIKE THEY NEVER KNEW YOU!!!!
I HATE LOSING FRIENDS BUT SINCE I'VE BEEN AT OSU... THATS WHAT IT SEEMS LIKE!!!!!!!!! IT TEARS ME UP INSIDE THAT I LOST ONE OF MY OLDEST FRIENDS THAT I'VE KNOWN SINCE I WAS LIKE FIVE YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!!! YEAH I LOST ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS.... ON MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH... THATS MY LIFE FOLKS!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN WHO LOSES BEST FRIENDS ON THEIR BIRTHDAY!?! I DO!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS RIGHT... ONCE AGAIN JAMELLE FUCKED HIMSELF RIGHT UP THE ASS!!!!!!!!!! YEAH... SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I TRY TO GO OUT TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS AND FOR A SECOND I THINK I DO, BUT NO!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T TALK TO THE PEOPLE I GRATUATED WITH THAT GO TO SCHOOL WITH ME CAUSE THEY'RE SO BUSY BEING BEST FRIENDS AND ALL... AND ME!?! WELL I JUST ACT LIKE EVERYTHINGS OK...BUT IN REALITY IT RIPS ME TO SHREDS WHEN THEY LEAVE ME OUT OF SHIT THEY DO... SO WHAT DO I DO!?! I PUT ON A HAPPY FACE AND SAY "OH OK, WELL I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER, HAVE FUN" AND THEN I GO BACK TO MY ROOM (BY MYSELF) AND WATCH TV (BY MYSELF) AND FINALLY ONCE IT'S LATE I EVENTUALLY FALL ASLEEP!!!!!!!! BUT I'M JUST REALLY TIRED OF JUST HAVING TO DO EVERYTHING BY MYSELF AND I THOUGHT THAT I FINALLY FOUND SOME PEOPLE AND SOMEONE IN PARTICULAR BUT NO... THAT FALLS APART LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE...
geez... i'm so sorry that some of you had to read this but i had to get it off my chest... i know a lot of you have never seen this side of me but every once in awhile i do get like this... i'm not perfect... i'm sorry. but i have feelings too and sometimes you want to talk to someone about them but it seems like you can't and your all alone... well thats how i feel right now... i thought that i was interested in someone and they were interested in me... but yet again i'm wrong... so is life!!! i'm just tired of beating myself up and crying (yeah... i totally cry) over the same stupid shit... but oh well i'm done venting... sorry if i've pissed anyone off, but i'm only human...
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